A Little Someone Named Alicia

So, Alicia told me my blog is sad and that I should write about something happy. And I explained to her that I write about the sad stuff to get rid of that feeling, but happiness is something I want to hold on to. So I try not to write about it. But I think I should. I think she's right. Sadly, I haven't been too happy lately. I'm surprised she still puts up with my bullshit. Nicole too.

But I'm working on it! Inside I feel torn, but I'm finally taking the time to take care of me. And damn is it scary in there. Since my sleep schedule is fucked, and I'm not getting much sleep anyway, I just lie there staring at the ceiling. Thinking. Shifting my things around, working it out.

Scary thing happened last night. I realized I trusted someone. Actually TRUSTED. Not that bullshit, "I trust you" fake word shit. Actual trust. And it scared the shit out of me. Last person I trusted was Angel, and the last time I trusted her was...holy shit, almost three years ago? When we finally ended, there wasn't even a tiny bit of trust left. So for me to trust someone again, that is huge!

My patience is running thin with waiting around. I'm tired. And drained. Also bored out of my mind. But it looks like some of my friends from college are driving up from Syracuse to treat me to an awesome birthday. Noel talked to me at length yesterday about this, so I'm happy. I think that will be my last day online before I go. Well...the day before my birthday, anyway.

Noel will probably be here for a few days so I will hang out with her while she's in town, have the cook out with my family, spend a few days saying goodbye to everyone and then boarding the plane to San Antonio, TX. Which means I probably wont be back until December/January time. I'm excited and ready.

Alicia said she will write me every week while I'm away. I'm looking forward to that. I don't think she really truly understands how much that will mean to me. Or she does and she just likes seeing me trip over my words.

Hmmm...what else? Oh! My myspace is coming down. As well as my facebook, probably. No real reason to keep them up, in my opinion. Well, maybe my facebook.

I think that's it~