These past few weeks have been really hard for me. I have beaten down and I can't take it. To say I can would be a lie. I've been through some tough shit, such as the Angel bullshit, and I survived. I was able to pick myself up off the floor and say "Fuck you." As loudly as I possibly could. I was broken, but it was ok.
But then, I thought I would not fall for anyone ever again and that didn't work.
Bart came into my life.
And as uncomfortable as I was with the situation he reassured me that it would nothing like my previous fuck up. Yet it was.
And in shambles it ended. Today I showed Bart my previous entry, and today he made it clear he didn't want to talk anymore. And so I took the necessary steps to not think about him. Blocked him out of my life. I don't want to see how happily he converses with everyone else on IRC while ignoring me. I don't want to see his updated statuses on FaceBook. I don't want to see him come on to MSN and not say hello.
If I could go back in time, I would have never taken my walls down. I would have protected my heart to the end. Because even though I caused this, I was ok with being his friend. But at least now I know it's not what he wanted.
So I rebuild my wall as best I can. Fully this time. Stephanie said I should stay offline, but it's hard. It's not like I didn't already have friends there before all of this began.
Anyway, this is my way of saying goodbye Bart. Even though he'll never see this.
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