I Touched...Me...

The title sounds awkward, but it's so true.

Last night I got no sleep whatsoever. I talked to my usual array of friendlies, and nothing seemed out of the ordinary at all. I mean, some people were sad about the whole me going in a week thing, but what can I say? It's happening.

Anyway, I was lying down, attempting to go to sleep, but I couldn't. The entire house was quiet and peaceful. No one shouting my name or messing with me or anything. Silence. And so I did some digging into myself.

I cleared my mind and dug deep, deep, deep down into myself. And found me. Before everything. Before the fear, the bad memories, the obsessions, and the fucked upness. And yes, I made that up. There in the deep recesses of my mind, was I. The perfect me. The scary me. The unharmed me. Willing to trust and love and be committed to people with no boundaries and no restrictions, including family (but with boundaries, you know...).

And for a split second, I let myself be that person who I used to be. And then I let her go again. I'm not ready for that, yet. But it was nice to understand that I was like that at one point and that I could possibly reach that point again. I'm hoping.